Finding peace and healing in Rwanda

I am in Rwanda (from the U.S.) with two purposes: to train a group of women in Byumba to be Mediators in their community and to interview people involved in the healing and rebuilding of Rwanda for a radio project called PeaceTalks. Once completed, it will air on public radio for the 20th commemoration of the genocide next spring. I began this blog with my travels to Byumba:

Day One

I am in bird heaven here in Byumba, 1.5 hours bus ride north of Kigali and 8,000 feet above sea level. The town itself has much poverty, but the environment is a rich one – with preserved wetlands that attracts many birds.

Today was the first day of the mediation training – which is a 3-day workshop for 20 women. My translator is Rachel, a Rwandan woman who came up from Kigali to work with us. She is a gifted counselor and a mediator - the perfect person for this job!

It was a 30 min walk to the Peace House where the training took place. The room is the peace library for the community, run by the Quakers. It is a small room, so it was a tight fit for all of us – as along with the translator, and me there are my 4 other American guests. 

Several of the women brought their infants/toddlers, which made for entertainment as well as distraction! Each woman is paid a small stipend to attend. They don’t all know each other and there was very little trust of one another. It was even a little tense.  As we created ground rules – confidentiality was a big issue.

We started off with prayer (a very important part of the culture.) Then we asked people to introduce themselves AVP style, (Alternatives to Violence) which means that you put a positive adjective in front of your first name. Example: Bountiful Barbara, Caring Caitlin, Smiling Sharon, etc.  Hour by hour we began to see trust being built. It was my goal – and by the time we were finished with an activity called The Tree of Distrust and what it takes to have a Tree of Trust, the women began opening up.  We played cooperative, fun games and we also had the women lead us through song and dance. It was so heartwarming!

Small group practicing mediation

Life is very harsh for Rwandan women. They have little power and few rights. Domestic violence is a big problem and they seem powerless to change it. I went into this feeling rather helpless myself that I might be setting these women up to fail. And, as the morning wore on, a migraine headache was creeping in, and I was feeling worse and worse.

By the end of the training, each woman was asked to say one thing they appreciated about the day. Each of them shared such positive statements – and I started to feel hopeful again. Dare we have these women feel empowered? What problems will ensue because of it?

I am looking forward to tomorrow (day 2) to see if they all return for more training and if the trust can continue to build. Each one of them said they want to make a difference and build a new Rwanda! I am smitten! I feel so honored to be here and be a part of experiencing the women who are the glue in this little community.

Day Two

I woke up migraine free and able to take a partial shower – which makes it a great day! We headed to the Peace House for the second day of the Mediation training, hoping that everyone would return. They all came back – all 20 of them! Although 3 were sick, they still showed up.

The energy in the room was low, and many were anywhere from 15 min to 1 hour late. However, we started with song and dance, followed by prayer (very important in this culture). Today we were going to teach skills in Compassionate Listening for the times that Mediation was not possible in a community conflict.  Caitlin Babcock, my co-facilitator, was eager to take on facilitating this portion of the agenda.

The women were eager to learn how to listen deeply and we broke them up into 3 groups of 6 or 7. One was to be the speaker; the others had to listen for facts, then feelings, and then needs. What we did not expect was that each speaker would begin to tell her story of genocide. The pain of their stories filled everyone with a deep sadness.  The listeners had a difficult time with their listening assignment because they were each crying.

We talked about trauma and how difficult it is to ask questions when you were deeply moved by the other’s trauma. How does one bear witness to the other’s trauma when it triggers their own trauma, or their sadness is so deep?

We completed the day, but it was clear to me that this privileged life I lead leaves me questioning why my sisters here in Rwanda live such a harsh existence and they have had to endure the pain of genocide, losing so many loved ones? I came back to our hotel needing to cry, to sleep, to question this injustice in the world.

Tomorrow is the last day and I will say good-bye to these new friends. I had some clarity today. I want to do this work with women all over the world and also record their stories and air them on the radio.  All the peace processes that have taken place have been gender neutral – and they have put women in a very disadvantaged place. If women don’t have a seat at the table with their input on gender issues to create a peace agreement – women will suffer. If women suffer, so do the children.

I don’t know quite how to make this next step in my life happen – but this training has given me the courage to follow my intuition. Caitlin and I will create a plan and write grants in order to make this a reality. 

What a journey and a responsibility to help women heal their communities and be empowered to be at the next table!

Day 3, final mediation training

Since today was the last day, there was much work to fit into our short time together. We had to finish by 2 pm and get on a bus headed back to Kigali by 3.  I was sad to leave all these new friends I had made.  I will miss them and carry them in my heart.

My main concern at this point is that all the women feel confident with their news skills – but we need to come up with a plan to follow-up with them.  Byumba has government mediators and they have elders who are called on to help with conflict, but there is enough conflict to go around for all with skills in mediation to address. The biggest issues they face?  Property lines and domestic violence that often involve conflict over polygamy or an illegitimate child that the husband wants his wife to raise.

Byumba's brand new Mediators!

Sharon Kranyak made the most beautiful photo montage for the women to view at the end of the day….these women have never seen photos like this of themselves, let alone a video, which we showed to them as well playing games such as “I like people who” - and the Hokey Pokey. They loved it!

I raised $500 to make this training a reality, which paid a stipend to each participant, food for 3 days, transportation for the women and supplies. But I have to say, this was one of the most rewarding experiences for me.

We are now back in Kigali and we have very spotty internet access – but we had cold water to take a shower. Thank Goddess! 

Now my work for the second leg of my journey begins: Interviews of people who survived the genocide and their personal story of healing; people who are here helping to heal the trauma of the genocide; and what this new Rwanda looks like today.